Holidays (2016)

 Alright, this has been on my list for a while and I'm finally getting down to writing this.

First of all I always love a good holiday horror no matter how common and overused they've become; but to see an entire anthology full of them makes my eyes light up. More so because it isn't all the same holiday; sure there are some familiar ones like Halloween (of course), Christmas (yet another classic), Valentine's Day (always a bloody good time) as well as the budding ones like Easter and New Years. However, we also get some brand new ones like good old St. Patrick's Day and the Days of the parents; which are fun concepts in of themselves.

I also love a good anthology in addition, there's always something fun and exciting about mashing together different stories; mostly if it is tied to one cohesive storyline. However, that is not the case here; but it still worth a watch nonetheless.

My review is going to be broken down by my opinions on each individual holiday story as thus:

Valentine's Day

Strangely enough, this segment reminds me of "Carrie", albeit without the telekinesis and is somewhat creepier; because at least Stephen King's classic didn't involve a disturbing crush that turned obsessive. Another story of why bullying shouldn't be tolerated; but it also involves a lesson about being aware of the emotions of those around you. Especially if it is someone who has a crush on you. Naturally the color red is everywhere, from the swim attire at the beginning to the blood that doesn't take long to flow. This one wasn't too bad for a short story, frankly it could have used a longer run time and bigger body count.

St. Patrick's Day

Oh boy, there's so much to unpack with this one! Let's start with the negative: the over-the-top film within a film shown to a class full of school children that was saturated with anti-Pagan propaganda; as someone who is uncomfortable with organized religion in general and their bloodied pasts this was a bit hard to listen to, somehow I managed to get through this after biting my lip and tuning them out. Now for the positive: a creatively disturbing storyline that does involve Ireland's past in regards to the story of St. Patrick. Although I feel bad for the mouse...

Easter

Interesting enough premise, a deformed Easter bunny and child endangerment, but at least there's cute little chicks peeping away to make things a whole lot better!

Mother's Day

Between a controversial topic, nuttiness and an insane plotline...this had so little to offer; a shame since this had potential.

Father's Day

Low-key disturbing but intriguing till the end; might have been better as a longer short film though.

Halloween

In this short, revenge is in this case a dish best served hot...maybe a little fried? This one was admittedly somewhat amusing...

Christmas

Before watching this I always believed that Black Friday was the only busy shopping time where people weren't hesitant to step over dead bodies to get what they want; but this is a cold reminder that Christmas too is all about greed. On the upside, we get to see a cool gadget that could easily turn out to be the worst thing to ever own and Seth Green too!

New Year's Eve

I know that the so called 'midnight kiss' is a New Year's tradition, but that doesn't mean that you should log on to dating sites out of desperation; especially since you don't know who they are...at least the twist at the end was decent enough...

Overall, this isn't the best anthology out there but it isn't the worst one either (probably); it has its ups and downs and its budget certainly shows in the cheesy acting and fake props. I recommend only watching if your bored.

Grade: C

Airplane Vs. Volcano (2014)

 I had the itch to watch a movie by The Asylum the other day; at first I wanted to watch a creature feature but while looking at a list online I came upon "Airplane Vs. Volcano" so a disaster movie it was. And wow do I not regret it!

This is definitely one of Asylum's better movies; yes there were times when the effects and the acting could have been better, however, this film isn't quite as mindless as some of Asylum's masterpieces (and B-movies in general). Mind you, mindless is never a bad thing as sometimes one just needs to be entertained without needing to go into deep critical thinking (or any thinking at all). Naturally any science that is applied here is suspect; but at least the writers sounded like they tried to make it sound realistic enough.

What makes this movie rise above other movies like this is that it possesses two things that most of these kinds don't have: a soul and some genuinely heartbreaking moments that made you go "Why?! Why?! Why?!" until you remembered just what kind of movie this actually is. The writers definitely put more effort into the emotional side of the dangerous situation and it definitely put a smile on my face.

Another refreshing change was the military unit that was undoubtedly responsible for the survival or the death of the people on the plane that could do nothing but fly around and dodge the fireballs that the volcano was giving birth to all the while being stuck on autopilot. Rather than just being the generic bullies who threw their weight around just for the sake of proving themselves, they were varied with their personalities that ranged from the overeager Private (who could even be called downright adorable) to the Sergeant that risked punishment just for the sake of saving the people to the Colonel that was semi-reasonable despite his behavior regarding his own orders.

And it wouldn't be a disturbing movie without someone who was having some kind of psychological breakdown and was turning into the secondary antagonist who ended up being bitten hard by karma in the end.

There are definitely some humorous moments to balance out the terror of the situation; but the situation is certainly treated with the seriousness that it would warrant in the real world. It is a nice balance overall.

Do I recommend watching it? Absolutely! This is definitely one of Asylum's better films and one of the best disaster films over all.

Grade: A-

Spider Baby (1968)

Thanks to the internet archive website, I was able to watch this old horror movie: Spider Baby.

Besides being an old horror movie, I was determined to see this movie because it had Sid Haig; who I first saw as Captain Spaulding in "House of 1000 Corpses" and later in the "Devil's Rejects" sequel. I had stumbled upon the Wikipedia article a couple of years ago but it slipped my mind until an article in "Rue Morgue" brought it back to the forefront.

Basically this movie is about three siblings who live with their chauffeur/guardian (played by Lon Chaney) after their father has passed away. Ralph, Elizabeth and Virginia Merrye suffer from a genetic mental illness that essentially causes them to regress to the age of children (Lon Chaney's character Bruno later implies that it might have been the result of inbreeding and that it has affected their family for generations). Bruno also states that the siblings are likely to be the last of their line.

But of course, no family horror movie is complete without bad relatives. The Merrye siblings distant cousins, Peter and Emily as well as their lawyer Schlocker and his assistant Ann, have come to reclaim the property from them. This is when things get really creepy and the siblings true natures are revealed.

Ralph can only communicate with grunts and leers as he is unable to speak and likes to travel by dumbwaiter; to say nothing about how sexually deprived he must be.

Elizabeth is quite the cruel one and possible the whiniest of them as she almost constantly talked about hating Virginia every time she did something bad.

Virginia is the titular spider baby, called for her habit of stalking and eating insects as well as the way she walked.

During the night with Emily and Schlocker staying at the house while Ann and Peter looked for somewhere else to stay, Bruno goes out on an errand and naturally mayhem ensues.

Without giving too much away, Spider Baby is a suspenseful story that you could only hope to never live and wasn't too bad. I could have gone without the scene of Ralph murdering a poor innocent cat for dinner, granted the killing itself wasn't shown but the cats' screeching did nothing to abate my nausea.

Final Grade: B+

Harbinger Down (2015)

So last night, I finally watched on Netflix a movie that I had put off for months: Harbinger Down. I had been interested ever since I saw an article on it in "Rue Morgue" and despite their critique, I found it moderately enjoyable to be honest.

The fact that Lance Henriksen was in it was good enough, but the plot was intresting as well. Granted, the science may have been a little out there; biology was one of my best subjects in high school and I'm still in love with it, but I'm a little rusty when it comes to what's solid and what's "out there". However, considering that the movies' "villain" was man made it could be excused since everything made by humans is guaranteed to be successful (please do note the sarcasm).

However, some negatives include that this could be seen as a metaphor for the old U.S.A. vs. Russia and of the course "the evil Russian" stereotype. Of course, said Russian ended up doomed by her countries' creation; while the one seemingly lone survivor was American and the also stereotypical "final girl". Of course the ending could be seen as ambiguous because we don't know if she's even still alive by the time the helicopters get to her; also whether or not she's infected or if the rescue workers are going to end up taking the tardigrades back to the mainland where it would destroy the country and eventually the whole world.

I was amused by the fact that the big combined form highly resembled the Graboids from Tremors, just so you know. It should also be noted that Harbinger is the name of the fishing trolley and may actually have been appropriate because a harbinger is defined as: a person or thing that announces or signals the approach of another; and considering what comes into contact...

Final grade: A-

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